The Aftermath

I left off the last post in a pretty dark place, but just a warning, from here it only gets worse.

After I was raped, my life became a turmoil. I didn’t tell anybody what happened because I wasn’t even sure that I wasn’t over exaggerating what had happened. But the weight of it was bringing me down drastically. Before I get into that though, some of you may wonder what happened with the guy. Well he and i still talked for a little bit, but one day he called me fat and ugly out of the blue and ended things with me. For a reason I can’t explain, other than some form of stockholm syndrome, I couldn’t let him go. I begged him to stay and he agreed if I would send him naked picture. At this point I was 15 and obviously had never done that before, but I was so desperate for him to care about me that I agreed to do it. Not knowing the fact that it was illegal nor the consequence. Though in the short term, my plan worked and he began to be nice to me again. A few weeks went by and I thought things were okay until one night he texted me something that changed everything.

He told me that if I didn’t have sex with him again(yes again, so he did fully rape me) that he would post my nudes everywhere. Both of those statements broke something inside of me because I finally realized that I was raped and he was wanting me to let him do it again or he would ruin my life with pictures. At this point I had no choice but to tell my best friend that I mentioned earlier. She made me go to the school guidance counseler, who was completely useless but she did promise me she wouldn’t tell my mom.

Well as you can probably guess, she called my mom and luckily my mom missed the call, but forced it out of me. When I finally told my mom everything, her first words were “how could you let this happen.” She didn’t want to me to go the police, she was ashamed of me. I truly began to believe that it was my fault. So I kept quiet and while I was dealing with the stress, my eating disorder started to sneak up on me again and it became an obsession.